Thigh high knee warmers

Thigh highs are more like thigh lows when I wear them, or not even thigh anything at all, more like knee warmers at most, and only if they don’t bunch up just underneath them and squish each one into an awkward collection of skin that makes you think “why did she even buy those thigh high knee warmers?” So I don’t.

If I had any say in fact, I would vertically lengthen even further, 5’9 nothin, I’d make my dance move the Stretch Armstrong and call it a day. Short people want to be tall and tall people want to be…taller (sorry short people, I know you thought you knew where I was going with that). Being tall is great, and being taller would be greater.

Benefits of being short:

  • Looking up at your date
  • Better at limbo (flexibility factored out)
  • Not feeling guilty standing in front of people a concerts
  • Your hair seems longer (accounting for proportion ratios)
  • Better balance/center of gravity
  • Ability to duck easily into crowds

Number of bullets listed above that matter to me:

  • None

Disclaimer: I hope no feelings were hurt in the making of this entry, I love short people (they have the biggest personalities). A lesson in it all is love what you’ve got, because someone has made clothes that fit you like no other. Am I taking the wrong lesson out of this?

External factors to consider…

Heartbeat: as fast as a cup of coffee on an empty stomach will allow it to beat

Palms: balmy, remind myself to carry lotion

Wondering: how the gentleman next to me was birthed with the two most perfectly placed moles on his right cheek and how many privileges he’s received from charming people without saying a word

Noticing: when I stare into the incandescent lighting illuminating the underground then close my eyes, they sting for a moment

Laughing: with the dude in front of me who just touched the plants for sale outside of a business to see if they were dead, they were.


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